Senator Brownback hits the wall

Two-time Kansas senator Sam Brownback's presidential campaign finally wheezed to a halt this week. He was almost out of cash, and had failed to make his case, after last year's initial splash, as the next family values candidate.

At least that's what they're saying in the MSM. The real reason is that Sen. Brownback was in violation of an unwritten law of American Presidential politics:

No American president shall have an excessively picturesque English name.

That's right. In this great republic, created by and for decades dominated by men of English descent, there have been no Presidents with frightfully, awfully, thatchy, tweedy, sedge-y English names. No President Laidlaw. No President Coolbroth. No President Bullcalf. There have been not one, not two, not three, but four Presidents with Germanic names. Yet, we're still waiting for our first President Rakestraw.

This is of course not to say that there is no place in American national politics for people with names like Moneypenny and such. Senator Brownback himself is evidence of that. Certain other politicians have had long and satisfying careers whilst saddled with among the most rusticated monickers imaginable.

Yet, the invisible barrier remains to the top post. The closest any of them have come have been Vice-Presidents Burr and Quayle. Someone may someday discover the reasons why we will never have a President Brokeback, a President Lackland, or a President Truepenny. But whatever they are, the knowledge comes too late to be of any use to Senator Brownback, victim of America's least understood political taboo.